Safety and Support Planning

It is crucial that you make a plan with a trusted person, before, during and after leaving to mitigate the heightened risk of abuse by the perpetrator. Unfortunately, victims are too often at greater risk of violence at the time of leaving.

Deb T, Tasmanian victim survivor, author and activist

A safety and support plan is your personal and very individual guide for staying as safe as possible. Everyone’s situation is different and the ways that safety is created can vary in each situation. What works for one victim survivor may not work for another. You know best when you are in danger and what you need to do and say to keep you and your children safe. Your plan should fit your specific circumstances and needs.

Why Create a Plan

If you have decided to stay, a safety and support plan can help you be clear about how to keep you and your children safe when the perpetrator is threatening or dangerous, who will support you and how they will support you.

We know that perpetrators escalate violence in particular circumstances such as:

• Christmas and New Year, when financial pressures, alcohol consumption, and family gatherings and can intensify existing tensions.
• Relationship transitions—such as separation or when a victim attempts to leave.
• Economic hardship, including job loss or financial strain.
• During and after emergencies such as pandemics (Covid 19), storms, flood and bushfires. (Link to document about family violence and emergencies
• During pregnancy and when their partner is caring for a newborn.

There may be other patterns that you have identified in your relationship. Including this information in your safety and support plan is crucial in keeping you and your children safe. How will you keep yourself and your children safe in times of heightened danger? What additional supports might you call on during those times?

When you do leave or if you need to leave temporarily until the immediate danger passes, you need to know where you can go to have a safe night and not be found by the perpetrator, how to access your money, who’s going to support you in the short term and who can help you in the weeks, months and years ahead.

The most dangerous time for anyone being abused by coercive control or family violence is the day you decide to leave. This can be a time where the perpetrator feels as though they are losing their control over you. It is vital that you protect yourself and your children. Remember you don’t have to do this alone.

Here are some examples and useful information about safety and support planning:

• 1800respect Safety Planning Checklist
• Engender Equality Safety and Escape Plan

Having a safety and support plan is also important because most support services in Tasmania have waiting lists. You may not be ready to leave or to do anything right now, but because these organisations all have waiting lists, it’s important to start planning for when you can leave. Make appointments with support services that advertise that they trauma informed practices (link to page on trauma informed practice) and put your name on waiting lists. If you make appointments, keep them. If you create a plan and follow it, you will be better prepared.

Consider the following to include in your safety and support plan

If You’re Still in the Relationship

Tell your doctor and start keeping a record

Tell your doctor about the perpetrators abuse so that when you need referrals to other services, it’s on your patient history records and, if needed in the future, with your permission, can be used as evidence. Your doctor cannot tell anyone else not even your partner.

Make notes about each time the abuse happens including taking photos of injuries, emails, messages i.e. SMS, Facebook and other apps. Send them to a safe account or to a trusted friend or ally who knows what’s happening.

Have an Escape Plan Ready

Think about how you’d get out quickly if you needed to:

• Which door, window, or room would you use to get out?
• Where would you go? (A friend’s place, family, a motel, a refuge)
• How would you get there? (Your car, public transport, walking, calling someone)
• What time of day or night would be safest to leave?
• Is there a code word you could use with your kids, family, or friends that means “I need help now”?

Keep Important Items Ready to Grab

Have an emergency bag packed and hidden somewhere safe (at a friend’s place, in your car boot, at work) with:

• ID—yours and the kids’ (birth certificates, Medicare cards, driver’s license, passport)
• Any court orders, protection orders, or legal documents
• Bank cards and some cash if you can safely get it
• Housing rental documents
• Keys—house, car, work
• Medical records and medications you and the kids need
• Centrelink records
• A change of clothes for you and the kids
• Charger for your phone
• Important phone numbers written down
• Photos or keepsakes if they mean a lot to you

Money and Documents

If you can do it safely:

• Open a bank account the perpetrator doesn’t know about (use a friend’s address)
• Save money little by little where they can’t find it
• Keep copies of important documents somewhere safe outside the home
• Take photos of documents with your phone and email them to a safe account
• Know where the important documents are kept so you can grab them if needed

Stay Connected

• Keep in touch with at least one person you trust
• Have their phone number memorized
• Try to keep your phone charged
• If possible, have a spare phone the perpetrator doesn’t know about

Protect Yourself at Home

• Identify safe areas of the house where there are ways to escape if possible
• Avoid arguments in rooms with weapons (kitchen) or rooms with no exits (bathroom)
• If violence is about to happen, try to move to a safer room if you can
• If possible and safe, have a phone charged and accessible at all times with numbers to call for help. This may include support services, family members, friends, neighbours or someone you trust
• Let trusted family, friends and neighbours know of your situation and develop a plan, codeword or visual signal for when you need help. For example, closing curtains or turning on a light
• Make a habit of backing the car into the driveway and keeping the car fuelled
• Teach your kids to get to safety and call 000 if there’s violence, and to know your home address and your full name (not just ‘Mum’)

If You’re Pregnant

• Try to protect your stomach during violence
• Have a plan for getting to hospital if you need to
• Tell your doctor or midwife what’s happening—they can help and connect you with support

If You’re Planning to Leave

Leaving is often the most dangerous time, so extra planning is really important.

Choose Your Timing

• Pick a time when they’re not home if possible
• Don’t tell them you’re leaving beforehand
• Have help lined up—friends, family, or a service
• Know where you’re going before you leave

Get Your Important Items

• Take your emergency bag
• Grab any valuables you need
• Don’t take things that aren’t legally yours—it could cause problems later

Tell People You Trust

• Let a few trusted people know you’re leaving
• Give them your new address or a way to contact you safely
• Ask them not to tell your ex where you are
• Consider getting a protection order before you leave

Where Will You Go?

• A friend or family member’s place (but be aware the perpetrator might look for you there)
• Crisis accommodation or refuge—call Safe at Home on 1800 633 937
• A motel or Airbnb if you have money
• Move to a different area if you can

Plan to Have Money

• Take money from joint accounts (you’re legally allowed to)
• Keep putting away money so that you have as much as possible in your own account
• Prevent economic and financial abuse. An excellent Australian website about this topic is the Centre for Women’s Economic Safety (CWES) . In addition, the following banks have domestic and family violence support programs:
  • Commonwealth Bank
  • Westpac
  • NAB
  • Bendigo Bank
• Cancel joint credit cards or take your name off them
• Change your pay to go into a new account
• Apply for financial assistance from Safe at Home or Centrelink if required
• Remove your name from accounts related to costs for the home you shared with the perpetrator after you leave. This applies to council rates, phones, internet, electricity, water rates, etc. Not doing this increases the chance of financial abuse

Make Arrangements for Your Pets

If you need to take your pet with you, where will you go or what arrangements can you make for your pet? The RSPCA in Tasmania run the Safe Beds for Pets Safe Beds for Pets program. Do you have a friend who loves your pet as much as you do and will look after him or her until you get settled? The Federal government is working towards having pets included in protection orders. The Tasmanian government is also trying to support refuges to take pets.

After You Have Left

Having safety n support plan after you have left is essential because your ex might escalate their behaviour.

Staying Hidden

• Don’t go to places you used to go together regularly
• Change your routine—different shops, different gym, different route to work
• Be careful about who knows where you are
• Consider changing your phone number
• Update your address with Services Tasmania, Centrelink, Medicare (but use a PO Box or a service’s address if you’re worried)
• Tell your kids’ school about the situation—give them a photo of your ex and instructions not to release the kids to them

At Your New Place

• Upgrade your home security e.g. get secure locks on all doors and windows. Consider security cameras or a doorbell camera if you can afford it. The Salvation Army’s Safer in the Home Program or the Safe at Home Keeping Women Safe in Their Homes Program may be able to assist. Applications can be made through your support service
• Keep curtains and blinds closed
• Park in well-lit areas or in a garage if you have one
• Vary when you come and go
• Don’t answer the door unless you know who it is
• Have your phone with you and charged at all times

The Kids

• Tell their school, daycare, or kindy about the situation
• Update their emergency contacts
• Give the school a copy of any court orders
• Make sure they know who is and isn’t allowed to pick up the kids
• Talk to your kids about what to do if they see their other parent unexpectedly
• Reassure them it’s not their fault
• Watch for changes in their behaviour

Look After Yourself

• Connect with a counsellor or support service
• Join a support group for survivors
• Spend time with people who care about you
• Do things that make you feel good
• Be patient with yourself—healing takes time
• Celebrate small wins

If You Have to See Your Ex (e.g. for Handovers, in court)

• Meet in public places—shopping centres, police stations, McDonald’s
• Take someone with you if you can
• Keep it brief and don’t engage in arguments
• Consider using a contact centre for supervised changeovers
• Document everything—dates, times, what happened
• If they’re abusive during handovers, call the police
• Find out bout systems abuse and if it’s happening to you, find support (link to info about systems abuse in Tasmania)

If They Keep Contacting You

• Don’t respond—any response tells them that contacting you works
• Keep all messages, voicemails, and emails as evidence
• Block them on your phone and social media
• Tell people not to pass messages from them
• If it continues, report it to police—it’s stalking

Workplace Safety

Your workplace can be a safe place or another place where your ex can find you. Many employers want to help but don’t know how.

Tell Your Workplace

It’s your choice whether to tell your workplace what’s happening, but there are good reasons to tell them:

• They can help keep you safe at work
• They can screen your calls and visitors
• You can access leave and support
• They’ll understand if your performance drops or you need time off
• They can document incidents if your ex shows up
• You might get access to an Employee Assistance Program (EAP)

Who to tell:

• Your direct boss
• HR (if your workplace has it)
• A trusted colleague
• Security (if your workplace has security staff)

You don’t have to give them all the details—just enough so they can help keep you safe.

Your Workplace Entitlements

In Australia, employees experiencing family violence have legal rights:

Family Violence Leave:

• You get 10 days paid family violence leave per year
• This is on top of sick leave and annual leave
• It doesn’t roll over to the next year
• You can use it for:
  • Going to court
  • Finding new housing
  • Counselling appointments
  • Medical appointments
  • Safety planning
  • Organizing childcare or school issues
  • Anything else related to the family violence

You don’t have to prove you’re experiencing violence to take the leave, but you might need to provide some evidence like a statutory declaration.

Flexible Work Arrangements: You can request:

• Changes to your hours—start later or finish earlier
• Working from home (if it’s safer than going to work)
• Changing your work location
• Reducing your hours temporarily
• Job sharing

Your employer has to consider your request seriously, but they can say no if there are reasonable business reasons.

Job Protection: Your employer can’t:

• Fire you because you’re experiencing family violence
• Discriminate against you
• Treat you differently
• Force you to take leave

If they do any of these things, contact Fair Work Australia: 13 13 94

Creating Safety at Work

Talk to your workplace about:

• Changing where you park—somewhere secure or with other people around
• Having security walk you to your car
• Screening your calls—reception not putting calls from your ex through
• Screening visitors—reception not letting your ex in
• Giving security a photo of your ex
• Changing your work hours so your ex can’t predict when you arrive or leave
• Working in a different location if your workplace has multiple sites
• Not being listed on the company website or phone directory

Reception/Security Briefing: Ask reception and security:

• Not to give out information about you
• Not to confirm you work there
• To call you if your ex shows up
• Not to let them past reception
• To call police if they won’t leave

Workplace Safety Plan: Some workplaces will develop a safety plan with you that includes:

• Who knows about the situation
• What to do if your ex shows up
• How to screen calls and visitors
• Emergency contacts
• What to do in an emergency

If Your Ex Shows Up

• Don’t engage with them
• Go to a safe area with other people
• Call security or police
• Document what happened—date, time, what they did, witnesses
• Let your employer know so they can take further action

Digital Safety at Work

• Change your work email password
• Check who has access to your work calendar
• Be careful about what you post on work social media
• Don’t share personal information on company profiles
• Check your work laptop isn’t being accessed remotely

If Both of You Work at the Same Place

This is complicated. Your employer should:

• Prioritize your safety
• Consider moving one of you to a different location or department
• Make sure you don’t have to work together
• Put measures in place so you don’t run into each other

If your employer doesn’t take it seriously or makes you feel unsafe, contact Fair Work Australia or a union representative.

If You’re Looking for a New Job

Starting fresh at a new job can help:

• Your ex doesn’t know where you work
• You can have a clean start
• You can set up safety measures from day one

Be careful:

• Don’t list your current/old workplace on LinkedIn if your ex follows you
• Use a new email for job applications
• Be vague about your location
• Don’t use personal references who might tell your ex where you’re working

Colleagues and Support

You might choose to tell trusted colleagues what’s happening. Supportive colleagues can:

• Walk you to your car
• Call you if they see your ex in the area
• Provide emotional support
• Cover for you when you need time off
• Be a witness if something happens

But be careful:

• Don’t tell everyone—some people might gossip
• Make it clear the information is confidential
• Don’t feel pressured to share more than you’re comfortable with

If Your Work Is Affected

Family violence can affect your work performance:

• You might be distracted or anxious
• You might need time off
• You might be exhausted from lack of sleep
• You might struggle to concentrate

What to do:

• Talk to your boss or HR
• Explain your situation (without all the details if you prefer)
• Ask what support is available
• Access EAP if your workplace has it
• Be kind to yourself—it’s not your fault

Most employers will understand and work with you, especially if you communicate openly.

Digital Safety

Technology can be really helpful, but it can also be used to track, harass, and control you. Understanding digital safety is crucial. If you don’t know how to make the changes below to your devices or social media accounts, ask a trusted friend or ally who knows how to do it. You can also visit a Libraries Tasmania Online Access Centre and someone there will help you. You just need to ask how to make the changes. There is no need for you to explain why.

Your Phone

Your phone probably has more personal information than anything else you own. It’s often the first thing perpetrators target.

Is Your Phone Safe? Warning signs your phone might be compromised:

• Your battery drains really quickly
• Your phone gets hot when you’re not using it
• You see apps you didn’t download
• Settings have changed without you changing them
• Your data usage is way higher than normal
• Your partner knows things they shouldn’t know
• You get logged out of apps unexpectedly

Securing Your Phone – Basic Protection:

• Use a strong password or PIN—not 1234 or your birthday
• Use fingerprint or face unlock if your phone has it
• Don’t share your password with anyone
• Turn your phone off or put it in airplane mode when you’re not using it
• Check your installed apps regularly—delete anything you don’t recognize

Location Tracking:

• Turn off location services unless you’re using them
• Go through each app and turn off location access
• Check for Find My iPhone (Apple) or Find My Device (Android)—turn them off or sign out
• Be careful with Google Maps timeline—it tracks everywhere you go
• Turn off location tagging on photos

Checking for Spyware

Spyware (also called stalkerware) lets someone monitor everything you do on your phone without you knowing. They can see your messages, calls, location, photos—everything.

Signs of spyware:

• Strange apps with names like “System Update” or “Device Care”
• Apps that ask for lots of permissions
• Settings you can’t change
• Your partner knows private information they shouldn’t

What to do:

• Don’t delete suspicious apps straight away—it might alert them
• Use a different device (library computer, mate’s phone) to research and get help
• Contact a domestic violence service for advice: 1800 633 937
• Consider getting a new phone with a new number they don’t know about
• If you get a new phone, don’t restore from a backup—start fresh

Important: If you think there’s spyware on your phone, removing it might make them escalate their abuse. Get advice from a domestic violence advocate before you do anything.

Two-Factor Authentication

Turn on two-factor authentication (2FA) for everything—email, Facebook, Instagram, banking. This means even if they have your password, they can’t get in without the second code.

Separate Your Digital Life:

• Get a new email address the perpetrator doesn’t know about
• Create new social media accounts or take a break from social media
• Get your own phone plan—not a family plan they can access
• Use separate bank accounts
• Don’t use shared Apple ID, Google accounts, or Microsoft accounts
• Change passwords for everything

Make Strong Passwords:

• Use a password manager like Bitwarden or Nordpass (they’re free)
• Never use the same password twice
• Don’t use obvious passwords like birthdays or pet names
• Make them long—at least 12 characters

Social Media Safety

Social media can accidentally give away your location and information.

Lock It Down:

• Make all your profiles private
• Review who can see your posts—mates only
• Turn off location services for all social media apps
• Don’t check in at locations
• Don’t post photos that show where you are in real time
• Be careful about posting photos with identifiable backgrounds (street signs, business names)
• Review your friend list—remove anyone you don’t trust
• Block your ex and anyone who might pass information to them

Photo Metadata

Photos taken on your phone contain hidden information (metadata) that includes where the photo was taken. Before posting photos online:

• Turn off location services when taking photos, OR
• Use an app that removes metadata before posting

Think Before You Post:

• Post about things after they’ve happened, not during or before
• Don’t post about your new job, gym, or regular activities
• Don’t post about your routine
• Be vague about details
• Ask mates not to tag you in photos or check you in at places

Requests from Strangers:

• Don’t accept friend requests from people you don’t know
• Check profiles carefully—fake accounts are common
• Your ex might create fake accounts to monitor you
• They might get friends or family to monitor your accounts

Tracking and Surveillance

GPS Tracking: Your perpetrator might track your location through:

• Your phone’s built-in location services
• Shared location on Google Maps or Find My iPhone
• Apps like Life360 or other family tracking apps
• Hidden GPS devices in your car, bag, or belongings
• AirTags, Tiles, or other Bluetooth trackers

What to do:

• Check your phone’s location sharing settings
• Look for unfamiliar devices in your car, bag, handbag, kids’ backpacks
• Run your hands under your car, especially near the wheels and bumper
• Check for AirTags—both iPhone and Android can scan for unknown AirTags now
• If you find a tracking device, don’t remove it straight away—document it, photograph it, and report it to police first

Home Devices: Smart home devices can also be used for monitoring:

• Smart speakers (Alexa, Google Home)
• Security cameras
• Smart doorbells
• Smart locks
• Baby monitors

What to do:

• Change all passwords
• Factory reset all devices
• Check who has access to the accounts
• Consider removing these devices if you can’t secure them

Computer Safety

If you share a computer:

• Use private/incognito mode when browsing
• Clear your history after every session
• Don’t save passwords in the browser
• Log out of all accounts when you’re done
• Consider using a computer at the library for sensitive research

Email:

• Get a new email address they don’t know about
• Don’t forward from your old email—manually move important things
• Check for forwarding rules in your old email that might send copies to them
• Turn on 2 Factor Authentication for email

Staying Safe Online

Video Calls: Be careful with video calls:

• Use a background filter so they can’t see where you are
• Don’t have windows or identifiable objects in the background
• Consider voice-only calls instead

Gaming and Apps: Many apps and games share your location or online status:

• Check privacy settings in all apps
• Turn off location sharing
• Use a different username they don’t know
• Be careful about who you connect with online

Dating Apps: If and when you start dating again:

• Don’t use your real name at first
• Don’t include your workplace or specific locations
• Meet in public places
• Tell a friend where you’re going
• Don’t get picked up from home for first dates
• Do a reverse image search on their photos
• Google their phone number
• Trust your gut

Finding the Right Support

Victims of family violence and coercive control need access to support services that truly meet their individual needs and understand the impact of trauma. Trauma-informed approaches and counselling recognize that abuse affects how people think, feel, and react, so services should prioritize safety, trust, and giving victims back control over their own decisions rather than adding more pressure or judgment. (Link to “About trauma informed support”)

Making Changes Over Time

Safety and support planning isn’t a one-time thing. Your plan needs to change as your situation changes:

• Review it every few months
• Update it if you move or change jobs
• Teach your kids new plans as they get older
• Add new people to your support network
• Get rid of things that aren’t working

Safety and support planning is ongoing. What works today might need to change tomorrow. Be flexible, trust your instincts, and don’t be afraid to ask for help. You deserve to be safe, and there are people in Tasmania who want to help you get there.

Creating a plan might feel overwhelming, but taking even small steps can make a big difference. You know your situation best—trust yourself, and reach out for help when you need it.